I read a lot of blogs. Mostly food blogs, which is pretty ironic given that I'm supposed to be trying to lose weight. On one of the baking blogs I read (http://buddingbaketress.blogspot.com/), the author, Kerry, wrote a different kind of post over the weekend, talking about her weight struggles. She's lost over 100 pounds, but recently gained back about 20 of them and is really frustrated with herself. Tons of readers left her encouraging comments that I sort of skimmed through, but one in particular stuck out to me.
That commenter basically said Kerry should love herself at any size and stop trying to lose weight, that her body has a weight it wants to be at and she shouldn't try so hard to fight it. The commenter mentioned that's overweight herself, but she and her boyfriend love her body and that's all that matters.
I have sort of mixed feelings about this. Yes, I absolutely believe we need to love ourselves, and that's something I'm working on. We need to not judge ourselves so harshly or be quite so critical. We need to give ourselves a break and cut ourselves some slack when we slip up and overindulge or hit snooze too many times and miss a workout. I'm not denying any of those things. However, as someone who has ridden the weight see-saw over the last decade, I know for a fact that life is just a little better when I'm thinner. It's easier to go clothes shopping. It's easier to walk up stairs. My knees hurt less. I feel more confident. Maybe I should still feel confident at the size I am now, but I don't. Is that wrong? I don't know. But I don't think there's anything wrong with trying to better myself, trying to gain a healthier life so that I can live longer with more enjoyment. If someone is truly happy and content at the weight/size they're at, more power to them. But for me, I am not happy with myself right now. I know I'll be a happier person when I can fit back into the clothes in my closet that are currently too small. I'll be a happier person when I don't feel the need to cross my arms over my waist when I sit down or hold a pillow in my lap when sitting on the couch. I'll be a happier person when I don't automatically assume a cute guy will go for the skinnier girl next to me in the bar. Maybe that's shallow of me to say, but I don't think so. I think it's real.